So, apparently indoor figs have taken it upon themselves to become the divas of the plant kingdom. My little fig seems to think it’s the star of an avant-garde art installation, judging my every watering misstep with a level of disdain usually reserved for failed reality TV auditions. In my noble quest to avoid the dual catastrophes of overwatering and parched despair, I’m wondering: what exactly does this temperamental green drama queen need? Is there a secret indoor fig spa routine, or should I just accept its passive-aggressive theatrics as part of the package? Any tips before I get sidelined by its daily serenade of silent complaints are most welcome.