So, I finally decided to audition a cactus as a house plant star—because apparently, they tolerate neglect better than I tolerate my boss’s endless emails. But now I’m wondering: is there a secret cactus care cult I’m missing out on? I mean, is my little prickly friend supposed to sit in direct sunlight, or is it cool with a side of fluorescent office lighting? And does it silently judge me if I water it once a month instead of once a week? Any tips on keeping my desert diva alive without inadvertently hosting a mini Sahara in my living room? Enlighten me before my cactus files for abandonment.